Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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