help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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