My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
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I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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