hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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