life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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