She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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