eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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