If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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