there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize