I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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