you win again, gameday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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