sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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