I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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