Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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