dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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