im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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