my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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