What did we do last night that was yellow?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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