Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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