Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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