Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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