I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm going to jail i love you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Damn victory sex feels great
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize