After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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