dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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