You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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