apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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