Your face is a jimmy john
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm both gender and math confused
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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