that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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