I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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