I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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