We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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