we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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