Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize