You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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