Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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