wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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