Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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