remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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