At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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