just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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