I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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