Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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