I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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