How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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