dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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