i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize