the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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