if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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