hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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