Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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